A visit to the vet

Extract from Flossie’s Diary with comments from Charlie Brown included, April 2022:

This may be a first for us, (Charlie and me) I don’t think we have ever shared a blog post before but between you and me, I think it is time he stepped up to the plate.

I think you mean you have at last, grudgingly decided to share it with me!

Quite apart from whether or not it is time, there is another reason for us coming together to write this post and that is because, for once, it concerns us both.
Today, we were both hoodwinked by the Boss. Now, let me say that the Boss is normally trustworthy and reliable. Is that not so, Charlie Brown?

Yes, I have to agree. (I want to make sure I get my dinner)

Let me lay the scene for you… A bright, sunny Spring day, me snoozing in a patch of sunlight in the hall, CB somewhere in the garden, doing his thing, stalking some unknown intruder. In walks the Boss, with those jangly things in her hand that she uses in the metal box that takes us places.
“Come on Floss,” she says.
Now, I am confused.

You are always confused Floss!

Be that as it may CB, I was confused because I had already had my daily walk. True, I can no longer go on the hikes that The Boss used to be so fond of but she has adapted well and we stroll through the fields close to the house, meeting the odd dog or human and returning home so that I can flop down on the floor and catch my breath.
Well, there she is with my harness (I don’t often wear that except in the car when I have to be strapped in to avoid hurtling around the Boss’s ears) and here is my lead, clipped to my collar. How strange…
I allow myself to be led outside but we don’t head for the gate, we go to the metal box.
I am groaning even as we near it. These arthritic bones do not like clambering up onto the backseat any more than they liked jumping into the boot a couple of years back. It is hard to resist the encouraging noises the Boss makes though so I manage to climb in with a subtle leg up from the Boss. She closes the door. Hey, watch my tail!
Now where has she gone?

I tell you exactly where she has gone, she is calling me in from the garden and putting my lead around my neck. This is odd, (The Boss Man normally takes me out for my walk on account of my habit of trying to ward of any approaching dog with a ferocious yapping.) But here we are, the Boss has hold of my lead and is shutting the front door behind us. Over to the car we go and 1,2,3…I am in and safely strapped in with you Flossie.

Well, CB, this is a fine to-do…I have a bad feeling about this. However, let’s put a positive spin on things, maybe we are going to the beach, the park, anywhere but that place where they stick needles in you and tell you, you are getting fat…(cheek).
The windows are part open and we soak up the breeze, our hair blowing in the wind – OK, mine is, yours is barely ruffled, CB.

Well, I held out hope all the way but here we are and this most definitely looks like the Vet place, Flossie. EEK!

Yes, CB, it certainly does but if we keep very quiet, maybe she will forget we are here…oh,look, she has got out and gone in without us. Whew, saved!

Famous last words Floss, she’s back and…oh no, she has unclipped me and I am jumping out, tail wagging (ever hopeful) and being led into the dreaded waiting room.

Hmm, odd! The Boss always takes me in first on these occasions…I am a little put out but I’m a bit tired so I’ll just take a nap while they are gone.

I bet Floss is having a nap now, while I am sitting nervously on the cold floor of the waiting room, making discreet noises just so the Boss knows I don’t like this, one bit.

Uh oh, here we go, the nice vet lady calls us in and the Boss marches me into the surgery. There is some small talk between them while I stand there patiently. The Vet lady is a locum, whatever that might be, she looks at her screen.
“Oh,” she says, “It says here he must be muzzled…” Muzzled?! What?! Even the Boss seems a little surprised as the only time she has muzzled me for the Vet is during the time when she sent me in on my own while she waited outside (some virus or other was going around). These are new vets though, where are David and Gillian when you need them? Retired apparently. 
“Is he likely to bite?” asks the Vet lady,
“What are you planning to do to him?” The Boss asks, quite reasonably, I think.
“Well”, says the vet, “I am going to give him his booster innoculations and, can I check his teeth and do a general feel around? I don’t want to risk getting bitten…”
“I don’t want you to get bitten and he doesn’t like his mouth being touched but I can hold his head…” offers the Boss with less conviction I know, than she feels.
Seeking to save the situation, I get onto the scales, it seems appropriate.
“ah,” says the vet as I give her my waggy tail happy look, “Perfect,”
The boss relaxes slightly and explains that since the restrictions of the past two years, she doesn’t know what I am like in the surgery and both decide it would be better to avoid lifting me onto the table or lifting me off again. Fine by me!
With my head in what is almost a stranglehold, by the Boss, I allow the Vet lady to feel my nether regions and do everything except look at my teeth. I even allow the needle to go in without a fuss. The good thing about all this, I am quickly realising, is the amount of treats I am given throughout. The Vet is very impressed with how gently I am taking them from her fingers and the thought of a muzzle has been banished.

I wait, expectantly, for more treats as the Vet looks at my claws which the Boss has said are rather long. The vet lady suggests I am taken round the back where the nice nurse will trim my claws. If the Boss is wary, she doesn’t show it. Is she trusting me at long last to behave out of sight?
I like the nurse who comes to collect me and with the thought of more treats to come, I follow her happily into the distant innards of the practice.

Well, what…wait a minute, where is CB? Here is the Boss, waking me up and urging me to get out of the car. I stretch and yawn a bit and she gets a little impatient but finally, I am on the ground.
We don’t wait in the waiting room, shame because it is empty and I could stretch out on the floor here…we go straight into the surgery where a very nice lady vet greets me. No need for any preamble, my tummy is growling so I get right onto the scales and sit. Gillian always gives me a treat for this. The new lady vet looks surprised until the Boss interjects,
‘Oh, she expects a treat I’m afraid,’ she apologises. Why apologise? It has been the way since I was a pup…into the vet, onto the scales and here’s a treat. Simple!
‘I take the treat from her outstretch palm (The vet has warned her that I am apt to take a finger or two these days along with any morsel of food,) Yes, I know how gently you take things CB, my eyes are not so good and my mouth is somewhat disabled having had part of my jaw removed, have some sympathy!

“She is a little above the weight I’d like her to be, and I see what you mean, she is very stiff in her joints…I can give her some tablets which should help with that. Losing weight might help too…’

‘Yeah, yeah…any more treats or are you just going to continue being rude?

There are a couple more treats, small ones, as the vet lady prods and pokes me and finally sticks the bloomin’ needle in. Naturally, I don’t react but if she tries to put those drops up my nose, I am ready to bolt through the door. She doesn’t. Thankfully, the Boss remembers David saying that there was no need for them to subject me to this horror (This, ever since I dragged him and the Boss both, into a corner causing injuries all around.)

Hey Floss, look at my nice manicure!

What? Where did you spring from? The back? Oh I’ve been there, normally to have some part of me shaved so they can stick a needle in.

Really? I just got treats and a lot of fuss made of me and I didn’t bite any one!

CB, that’s great! But are we really going to both walk through the waiting room to the car? Supposing there is another dog there?

It’s OK, I’ll soon chase any dog away, I have been practising my menacing growl.

No, No, CB! You must learn not to do that. The Boss doesn’t like it. Oh, it’s OK, The Boss has explained to the vet lady, who checks the waiting room. There is a dog there. We are leaving by the back door.

Home again and feeling rather tired…what an experience!

I rather enjoyed it actually Floss…when can we go again?

Can’t hear you, I am asleep Zzzzzzzzz

This extract reproduced by kind permission of Flossie and Charlie.

Thank you!